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God I hate how they just assume I'm carelessly selfishly spending money. I just suggested getting hair and makeup professionally done. I found out yesterday that I wanted to get it done at a salon. Of course I don't know how much it costs cause I haven't asked Anne yet. Of course I don't want to needlessly spend more money and of course I'm trying to think of ways to save money. That's why I haven't asked you stupid parents yet. Cause I'm afraid you'll just scream at me for wanting to spend more money. I want to get it done professionally but I know it'll cost a lot. That's why I'm trying to find ways to do it myself. But I will need hairspray, a curling iron, a flower clip or tie, bobby pins, fake lashes, bronzer, foundation, red lipstick, red lip liner, and brushes. Now would it still be better to do it myself or get it done professionally?.....cause chances are i'm not going to use those things more than a couple times in my life......seriously you guys didn't even let me talk...I didn't already decide that I wanted to get it done without talking to you guys-_________-....I told the thing that I was thinking about getting hair and makeup done professionally....and then the thing said getting it done professionally would cost more than doing it myself....then u just butt in very rudely and ask why I would need to get that done....then you call me down 5 minutes after I go up to yell at me and say I can't get it done cause it costs too much and i'm being selfish and it's not my money it's yours...which isn't even true cause i frikin earned a good $500 on my own out in Pittsburg doing trailwork....try calling that your own money...cause its not.....of course i'm thinking about the price....i'm the cheapest person in my group....i'm probably the cheapest person at home too.....I haven't bought any clothes since like....the beginning of the school year cause I don't want to "waste" money and get you mad.....I'm not the one paying for meals when I go out to eat cause I have an amazing boyfriend....even though I really am perfectly fine with paying for myself....but if i did pay for myself I wouldn't go with them because of you....I only spend money on the necessities or really really cheap stuff....like....one dollar headphones, 2 for $1 mentos, $4 chicken soup at tijana joe's at 10 pm after not eating since like....12 pm.....shoes and dress for prom....which I really don't think you can get out of paying a lot of money for....and the amount we did pay for it was discounted like crazy!....$15 shoes from Nine West....Nine frikin West!....that's crazy cheap!....and $140 dress from macy's which originally cost $210....there were honestly no cheaper dresses....they were all $200 and you know that!....of course the dress katherine bought was cheap! the material was completely different and it was damaged!....I wouldn't look good in that type of dress and all of the other dresses that cheap looked horrible on me!....the only other option I had was getting a short dress.....which I didn't mind doing at all last year....but this is senior prom...this is only goina happen once in my life....and all the other girls in our group are getting long dresses....actually I wouldn't mind wearing a short dress cept for the fact that everyone in the group would call me cheap and I would feel really bad cause Nobu has spent so much money on me out of love and courtesy and it'll seem like i'm not even willing to spend a little extra for prom....he's even paying for my limo money!...i think....if he isn't that's fine i'll just use my savings....this is why i hate asking my parents for money...they always make me feel like i'm being selfish and I owe them my life or something.....and i know i don't show them alota love....but honestly would you be able to if you were me?.....I don't think you would....the guilt is endless....I can't be happy about it....i wonder how long it'll be before i'm eaten alive by my guilt....it's not cool....and the guilt is accompanied by hate too....very justified hate....anyone would hate for the reason i do....it's not just cause i'm special or spoiled or anything.....I think i'm just destined to suffer.....yeah...that's the plan the stupid "Force of the Universe" has for me....I don't believe in God....nothing has ever given me reason to be religious or anything so i'm just going to believe in karma...cause karma sucks....seriously what did i do in my past life that gives me so much frikin bad karma?...this reminds me of a quote.....from avatar....i'm goina go look for that....